Tips For Building a Blended Family
Merging a blended family is a challenge, plain and simple. This article offers some tips for building a successfully blended family. Remember - divorce is traumatic for a child.
Patience – with a child is very important. There is not going to be an instant “love” relationship between a step-parent and step-child.
Allow time – for the relationship to develop between a step-parent and step-child.
Acting out on the part of the child – may be observed in the early stages of establishing a good step-parent/step-child relationship. Allow for these actions from the child and extend and offer understanding, grace and mercy early on in the relationship.
Find mutual activities - that you both enjoy. This can be as simple as enjoying the same TV shows or video games to sports activities (biking, going the gym together) or other forms of entertainment.
Encourage the relationship and speak well of – the step-child’s biological parent.
Go to counseling – to work through unresolved issues and create a path to navigate a secure and loving environment for a child.
Discipline – should be as limited as step-parent, particularly early on in establishing the step-parent/step-child relationship. There should be no corporal/abusive punishment to a step-child and the biological parent should not allow this. If the biological parent thinks they should allow this, then the biological parent needs counseling to get advice on parenting skills. Likely the child needs counseling as well. If a biological parent knows this is going on in the other household, whether the other parent is the “primary” parent or not, IT SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED. Take action and consult with an attorney.
Show respect - to both your former spouse and your current spouse. Modeling respect creates a secure environment for a child. A child wants to hear/see that their parents mutually respect each other.
Of course, this advice anticipates “reasonable” parents that don’t have mental health disorders. This is sound advice if you have two parents and step-parents that are sincerely attempting to make a secure and supportive environment for the children.
A child asks in many small ways,
“Do you hear me?” “Do you see me?” “Do I matter to you?” “Do you love me?”