The Conundrum: Emotional abuse coupled with a lack of knowledge of marital assets
It’s not uncommon for a person seeking a divorce to have a history of emotional abuse in the relationship coupled with a lack of knowledge of the assets of the marriage, which can be a part of the “power and control” pattern associated with a batterer establishing and maintaining control over their partner.
The economic abuse can take the form of giving a partner an allowance, discouraging a partner from getting/keeping a job or not letting the partner know about or have access to family income/assets/passwords to the parties’ accounts.
See http://www.ncdsv.org/images/powercontrolwheelnoshading.pdf.
When the abused partner momentarily seizes clarity of their abusive relationship, it can be a shock to determine they have little to no money to hire an attorney and seek a divorce. They can feel stupid, inadequate and stumped as to how to move forward. At this juncture it’s important to engage family/friends to assist with financial support to consult with an attorney regarding options for the abused partner.
Remarkably these individuals don’t see themselves as victims of abuse perhaps because they have no scars or bruises that might trigger the awareness of abuse.
It’s the bruise that doesn’t show.
“Emotional abuse is any nonphysical behavior or attitude that controls, intimidates, subjugates, demeans, punishes or isolates another person by using degradation, humiliation or fear” (www.focusonthefamily.com). It can take the form of looks/glares of disapproval, humiliating the partner privately/in the presence of others and name calling. The abuser might use jealousy to justify their actions.
A lot of people seeking divorce don’t know the nature/extent of their assets. Don’t let this lack of information be a deterrent in removing yourself from an abusive relationship. An experienced family law attorney can assist in obtaining this information for you.
“Survive, get out, be a better person than you were and break the cycle.”