Power and Control – The Anatomy of Domestic Abuse and Warning Signs
Domestic violence has been identified as one of the major causes of emergency room visits by women in recent times. The following behaviors are symptomatic of the anatomy of an abuser/victim relationship. If you see yourself in the following behaviors, seek professional help immediately to get out of the abyss of abuse, report all abuse to a health care provider, take pictures and videos.
The pronoun “her” is used generically and “him” could be substituted instead. Check out https://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/power-and-control/.
The abuser uses:
Intimidation –
Making her afraid by using looks, actions, gestures, smashing things, destroying her property, abusing pets, displaying weapons
Emotional Abuse –
Putting her down, making her feel bad about herself, calling her names, making her think she’s crazy, playing mind games, humiliating her
Isolation –
Controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, where she goes, limiting her outside involvement, using jealousy to justify actions
Denying, Minimizing and Blaming –
Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously, saying the abuse didn’t happen, shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying she caused it
Children –
Using the children to relay messages, using visitation to harass her, threatening to take the children away, manipulating adult children to side against her
Male Privilege –
Treating her like a servant, making all the big decisions, acting like the “master of the castle”
Economic Abuse –
Preventing her from getting/keeping a job, making her ask for money, giving her an allowance, taking her money, not letting her know about or have access to finances
Coercion and Threats –
Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her, threatening to leave her, to commit suicide, to report her to welfare, making her drop charges
Emotional abuse is far more common than physical abuse and its consequences are equally devastating. A great book on this topic is “Anger Busting 101 - New ABCs for Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them” written by Houstonian, Newton Hightower.
Please don’t ever blame yourself or feel like you deserve it.