Top Ten Tips for working towards an Amicable Divorce and Lessons learned from the 1989 movie “The War of the Roses”
Recall the 1989 movie “War of the Roses?” The film follows a couple with a seemingly good marriage. However, after 18 years of marriage, Oliver Rose (Michael Douglas) and Barbara, (Kathleen Turner), decide to divorce, at which point an outrageous and bitter divorce ensues.
Oliver hires lawyer, Gavin d'Amato, (Danny DeVito) and classic lines from Gavin emerge as the story unfolds like:
“A civilized divorce is a contradiction in terms.”
“There is no winning! Only degrees of losing!”
In the end, Gavin gives Oliver two options: proceed with the divorce and face a massacre in court or go home to his wife to properly settle their differences. Oliver chooses the later, and Gavin, satisfied, calls his wife to tell her he loves her and is on his way home
Oh, if only there were more happy endings!
How can you work towards an amicable divorce? The following tips will help in working towards an amicable divorce.
Regarding attitude DO –
Disengage from your spouse if there is a history with your spouse of ineffective communication
Keep communications brief and to the point with your spouse
Be light and polite
Regarding assets DO -
Follow the Court’s orders - the consequences can be severe if you don’t
Disclose all assets and debts
Focus on significant issues in your divorce, not trivia - admittedly “trivia” is subjective, but this can expend a lot of negative energy and also increase attorney’s time and fees
If a child is under 18 years old DO –
Be courteous to the other parent in the presence of the child
Allow a child to communicate freely with the other parent and don’t monitor their communications
Communicate/make requests of the other parent directly – not through the child
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong
but sometimes it is letting go” – Hermann Hesse